Pink with Poise

To my beautiful mother, thank you for showing me how to be courageous with poise. I am forever grateful for you. 

“We didn’t want to tell you, but now that your cousins know we figured we should”. This would soon be the introduction to my parents telling me the news that would alter me permanently.

This particular Saturday I was hosting an all girls party to celebrate our final week of high school. I woke up in the morning ready to enjoy the beautiful weather. Given that it was May there was a perfect combination of a cool breeze and the radiating sun. I got dressed for the day and got in my car. I remember being in the car thinking to myself, “Things are really good right now”. I drove to pick up my three closest friends. Once they were all in the car we headed over to the party store. The whole way there we blared music and rolled our windows down. It was the perfect day, truly.

Together we spent an absurd amount of money on decorations for the house. We got streamers, lights, balloons, pastel cups, and so on. Money was the last issue on our mind. All any of us could think about was the exciting festivities the day had in store. We checked out all our items and headed back to my house. It took us several hours to decorate the inside and outside of my home to our satisfaction. After we finished up decorating I dropped them all off so they could get ready.

As soon as I got home I sat down at my vanity. I began to do my makeup. While I was finishing up my eye shadow my mom yelled, “Sofia—come down stairs!”. Oh no, I thought, they are going to tell me that I can’t have the party. If they tell me I can’t have these girls over anymore it will be the end of the world. What will I tell everyone? Okay, if they say I have to cancel it I will just disobey them and still have everyone over.

I walked downstairs and entered the family room. On the chair to the left of the couch my dad was lounging. Why is he here? Doesn’t he usually have work on Saturdays? My mom was sitting on the sofa. She signaled me to empty space beside her. As I sat on the couch I examined both of them. Am I in trouble? What did I do? It was then that my dad started to speak, “We didn’t want to tell you, but now that your cousins know we figured we should”. Between my dad uttering this statement and my mom continuing, there was a pause. This pause had my brain making up all kind of scenarios and questions. Are they getting a divorce? Did they cheat on each other? Who will I side with? Who will I live with? Then my mom spoke up before I could continue to draw conclusions. “A few months ago we found a tumor in breasts. We didn’t want to inform you at first in case I was wrong. Unfortunately, I was not wrong. I have breast cancer”. I froze. My mind full of thoughts went blank in an instant. I did not know if I should cry or scream. So instead, I wrapped my arms around her. I don’t think I have ever held my mom as close to me as I did that day. In that moment, I realized the person who gave me life could be taken away from me forever. I did not cry. I did not scream. I showed her through my embrace that I would have the strength she had.

My parents told me that they still wanted the girls to come over. They did not want this to alter any of our lives. So they allowed for the party to go on. Around a hundred girls filled my backyard and the entirety of my house. All of them were having the time of their lives. I could not relate to that feeling of joy at the moment. Around three hours into the party was when I broke down. I pulled over those same three best friends into my bedroom. I knew they would want to know. My mom was like a second mother to them. As I uttered the words, “My mom has breast cancer”, I cried for the first time that day. What I was most shocked about was that they all cried too.

For many people this may just be a day or a moment. To me this whole day was an experience. One that taught me more lessons than I had learned in a lifetime. I realized that surrounding yourself around people who genuinely care about not only you but your family is extremely important. These three girls and my parents made me realize what I truly value in life.

What is funny about all of this is that I still cherish those moments earlier in the day. I love remembering the music blaring as we drove around in my car, or taking way too long to decorate a house with cheesy balloons and streamers. The reason I look at this day and pick out the beauty opposed to the pain is because of my mom. She never let cancer define her. In fact, she refused to make it something that encompassed our lives. Everyday, no matter if it was surgery, a doctor’s appointment or treatment, my mom found something that she was blessed with. So I prefer to tell this story framing it with celebration.

Over the next few months she was in and out of hospitals, and in early August my family and I got to say “bye-bye” to her cancer. We celebrated her lymph nodes being clear, but then again we kind of had been celebrating the whole time.